Coming Home for the Holidays: When You Notice Your Parent Is Changing
- Amy Genson
- Dec 16, 2025
- 3 min read
For many of us, going home for the holidays carries a familiar script—old decorations, favorite recipes, inside jokes that pick up right where they left off. We expect comfort. Continuity. A sense that some things remain unchanged.
And then, sometimes quietly, sometimes all at once, you notice something else.
Your parent repeats a story they’ve already told twice this evening. They move more slowly than you remember. They seem confused by a bill, a remote control, a recipe they once knew by heart. The house looks the same, but something underneath it has shifted.
If this happens to you, know this first: it can be deeply unsettling, and it’s okay to feel unprepared.
Pause Before You Panic
The holidays compress time. You may be seeing your parent after months—or years—apart, and the contrast can feel stark. Fatigue, stress, medication changes, grief, or even the disruption of company can temporarily affect memory and mobility. Not every change signals a crisis.
Before jumping to conclusions or diagnoses, pause. Observe gently. Take notes privately if you need to, but resist the urge to interrogate or correct.
Lead With Dignity, Not Alarm
When you notice decline, your instinct may be to take over—to fix, manage, or protect. While well-intentioned, this can feel disempowering to a parent who has spent a lifetime being capable.
Instead of:
“You already told me that.”
“You shouldn’t be driving anymore.”
“Let me do it—you’re doing it wrong.”
Try:
“That story always makes me smile.”
“How are you feeling when you drive these days?”
“Want to do this together?”
Preserving dignity matters as much as preserving safety.
Remember the Emotional Weight They Carry
Your parent may already be aware of the changes you’re noticing. Aging can bring fear, grief, and shame—especially in a culture that equates worth with productivity and independence. Holidays can amplify those feelings.
Your sensitivity—your patience, your tone, your willingness to slow down—may matter more than any practical help you offer.
Choose Connection Over Correction
You don’t need to solve everything during a holiday visit. In fact, trying to do so can strain the relationship and leave everyone feeling raw.
Focus on connection:
Sit with them without distractions.
Ask about memories they enjoy sharing.
Watch for moments of joy, not just moments of loss.
If concerns remain, there will be time later for conversations with siblings, doctors, or professionals—ideally away from the intensity of the holidays.
Care for Yourself, Too
Noticing your parent’s decline can stir anticipatory grief: mourning the gradual loss of who they were, even as they’re still here. That grief is real, and it deserves care.
Talk to someone you trust. Take walks. Step outside when emotions feel overwhelming. You’re not weak for feeling shaken—you’re human.
A Final Thought
Coming home for the holidays can remind us that love doesn’t freeze time—it adapts to it.
If you notice changes in your aging parent, let your response be guided by compassion rather than fear, curiosity rather than control. You may not be able to stop time’s movement, but you can choose how gently you move with it.
Sometimes, the greatest gift you bring home isn’t in a suitcase at all—but in how you show up.
Genson Geriatrics specializes in helping older adults with long-distance family members.
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