The Caregiver’s Survival Guide to Aging Parents: Because Nobody Prepared Us for This

Has Anyone Seen My Keys?

There comes a moment in every adult child’s life when you realize you have somehow become the parent of your parent.

It usually happens gradually.

First, you remind Mom to take her keys.

Then you remind her where she put her keys.

Then you find the keys in the refrigerator.

And suddenly you’re thinking, “Wait… who is the caregiver here?”

Welcome to the wonderfully unpredictable world of aging parents, elder care, and family caregiving—where love, patience, humor, and a really good calendar can make all the difference.

“I’m Fine” — The Official Family Caregiver Mantra

If you have an aging parent, you’ve probably heard the phrase:

“I’m fine.”

Mom may have fallen twice, forgotten three appointments, stopped eating properly, and somehow managed to pay the electric bill twice—but she is, apparently, fine.

Dad may be driving to the grocery store with the confidence of Mario Andretti, despite having forgotten why he went there in the first place.

Still: “I’m fine.”

For families dealing with dementia, the situation can be even more complicated. Changes in memory, judgment, personality, or daily functioning can leave everyone wondering what’s normal aging and what deserves attention.

And sometimes, the hardest part isn’t figuring out what needs to be done.

It’s getting Mom or Dad to agree that anything needs to be done at all.

The Family Group Text: Where Elder Care Plans Go to Die.

Every family has one.

You know the one.

“Mom needs someone to take her to the doctor Tuesday.”

Crickets.

Then, 14 hours later:

“I thought you were taking her.”

And suddenly three siblings, a daughter-in-law, and an uncle nobody remembers adding to the group chat are engaged in a spirited debate about who did what in 2019.

Being a caregiver can be overwhelming, particularly when responsibilities are spread across family members who live in different cities, have demanding jobs, or have their own children and obligations.

This is where I, as a geriatric care manager, can be incredibly helpful.

As a geriatric care manager, I serve as the calm adult in the room—the person who knows which doctor called, what appointment is next, whether Dad actually needs four different specialists, and why Mom has somehow acquired six pill organizers.

Aging Is Not a Group Project

One of the biggest challenges families face is trying to coordinate elder care on their own.

There are doctors.

Medications.

Home care.

Transportation.

Finances.

Meals.

Safety concerns.

Paperwork.

And approximately 847 phone calls that begin with, “Hi, I’m calling about my mother…”

It can quickly become a second full-time job.

As a geriatric care manager, I help families assess what’s really going on, coordinate care, communicate with healthcare providers, identify resources, and create a plan that actually works in real life.

Because the goal isn't simply to keep an aging parent safe.

It's to help them remain as independent, comfortable, and engaged in life as possible.

And Then There’s Dementia…

If dementia enters the picture, families often find themselves navigating an entirely new world.

You may discover that correcting someone’s memory isn’t always helpful.

You may learn that asking, “Do you remember?” 27 times a day is not, in fact, a successful communication strategy.

And you may eventually understand that sometimes the best response is simply to meet the person where they are.

That doesn’t mean dementia is easy.

It means caregiving sometimes requires us to trade our desire to be right for the opportunity to be kind.

And yes, that is much easier said than done.

Especially when Dad insists that the dog ate his tax return.

You don't even have a dog.

Give Yourself Permission to Laugh!

Caregiving can be serious, exhausting, emotional, and incredibly meaningful.

But it can also be funny.

Sometimes you have to laugh when Mom hides her glasses in the freezer.

Sometimes you have to laugh when Dad calls his television remote “the clicker” and insists it has “too many buttons.”

And sometimes you have to laugh because if you don’t, you might cry into the laundry basket.

Humor doesn't diminish the seriousness of aging or dementia. It gives us a little breathing room while we're dealing with it.

You Don't Have to Do It Alone...

If you’re caring for an aging parent, feeling overwhelmed doesn't mean you’re failing.

It means you’re human.

And asking for help doesn’t mean you love your parent any less. In fact, knowing when you need support may be one of the most loving things you can do.

As a geriatric care manager, I help take some of the uncertainty, coordination, and stress off your shoulders—so you can spend less time managing the care and more time being the daughter, son, spouse, or family member.

Because at the end of the day, your job isn't to become Mom or Dad’s entire healthcare system.

Your job is to love them.

And, when necessary, help them find their keys.

Even if they're in the refrigerator.

Contact Amy Genson