When I explain my role as a Geriatric Care Manager, I repeatedly hear, “You must be so patient.” Recently hearing this for the umpteenth time, I took in the comment and have been giving it a lot of thought.
While we’re often our own harshest critics, I wouldn’t use “patient” as one of the top three adjectives to describe myself. That being said, patience has been an outgrowth of my maturity. There is something to be said for developing patience by going through hardships. I find myself more patient and giving grace in the dreaded abysses of bumper-to-bumper traffic, long grocery store lines and people running late.
When it comes to elder care, however, it’s an entirely different kind of patience. It’s not an act of acceptance or tolerance. It’s a way of being. My interaction with clients is not about the ability to work without complaining or becoming annoyed, but rather a way of co-existing. Working with older adults is my passion and I’m skilled in customizing my communication to each particular client. The unique language I speak with each individual minimizes my risk of becoming inpatient. I suppose this is why I don’t identify as being “so patient” when it comes to my role as a Geriatric Care Manager. Instead, I see patience as an intrinsic, non-negotiable when working with older adults and those who are cognitively impaired.
While I may not define myself as patient, I confess I am human. I am professional in nature. I respect and honor all levels of confidentiality. With two degrees in gerontology and close to thirty years of working in the area of aging, I am an expert in my field. All that looks good on paper, but I am human. There are nights I go home and have a good cry. While on other nights I sit in the quiet of my home for an extended period of time to take in the heaviness of the day.
Dementia can be a cruel, degenerative diagnosis. While I work with many clients who put a smile on my face, in light of their upbeat personalities or pleasant dispositions, watching their decline hurts my heart. While it’s near impossible to say in a thirty second elevator pitch all that my role a Geriatric Care Manager encompasses, one of my goals (“job responsibilities”) is to make sure each client is safe and content.
At times, dementia presents with growing difficulty with word recall. In these cases, expressing oneself becomes increasingly compromised. I routinely witness clients who appear uncomfortable in their own skin, but do not have the ability to make their needs known. The longer I work with a client, the more skilled I become in reading their body language and recognizing their cues, but this doesn’t take away from the heartache I feel. Witnessing ongoing decline on a daily basis can be overwhelming.
I share all this not to perpetuate a fear of dementia. It’s important to stress that dementia is not a normal part of aging. In other words, you’re not destined to develop cognitive impairment as you age. I share because I am human. Sharing allows me to process and understand myself while providing you with insight on who I am as a person. Sharing is an opportunity for me to express what I care about and value.
Working in the field of aging and providing elder care brings me an immense amount of joy and fulfillment. I hope I am making a difference in the lives of my clients, as I know they’re making a difference in mine. As with everything, there are good days and those days that are a little tougher and more challenging. I need the daily reminder that it’s OK to be patient with myself…
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